Satire Archives - BlackSwanistan

Castle Lockdowngate

It has come to my attention that a senior bellwether (from another flock) escaped recently from his lockdown pen along with his favourite primary ewe and a baby lamb.

Slots

Obsessive refreshing Tesco, Asda etc etc supermarket webpages for delivery slots during the darkest sleepless midnight hours has become a national essential activity.

Post virus lockdown the time is fast approaching for an invasion by neighbouring flocks of sheeple galloping away from their pens and descending like locusts consuming the green green grass of home pastures and fields.This has been encouraged by no less than the Prime Shepherd himself.

A letter from the Prime Shepherd

I, and all other bellwethers (apparently), have received the following dictated letter from The Highest Authority in the land (dictated from his bedside) to be amended according to region. This order applies to all flocks in the land. Basically you, the sheeple, must obey the instructions or the dogs will be set loose. [Note to editors: F n’ M means foot and mouth virus]

The Bellwether Manifesto

As your Leader, it is time to publish the political manifesto of the Bellwether Party for the upcoming UK 2019 General Election. In this manifesto, you will find policies that you will (must) like, that you will (must) believe in!

PULP BREXIT ELECTION

Dearly Beloved Sheeple “T’was a dark and stormy night, and the captain said to the mate “T’was a dark and stormy night…” ad infinitum. So now we have a dark wintery date for the UK BREXIT election. Dearest Sheeple, you will be asking me, your bellwether, who to vote for. What will be my advice, Read more

Brexit Blood Sacrifice

As your bellwether, I see it as my duty to keep up with and communicate to you all the latest TV and streaming entertainments. This is to deflect attention from your imminent appointment with the abattoir. Oops!

Flock infiltrated by #ERG

As the ‘official’ appointed bellwether, I am here to warn you that I have detected the formation of a dissident breakaway group within the Flock that needs to be ‘purged’ before AD (Abattoir Day). Calling themselves the Ewe Research Group (ERG) and led by a well known ‘coloured’ member of the arch-conservative Reesmog Flock who have infiltrated our members.

Category: Satire