As your bellwether (and expert!) I suppose it falls on me to comment on the ‘scientific advice‘ that supposedly underlies the political (mis)management of the current pandemic of Covid-19 afflicting some unfortunate sections of the human population (the old, already sick, the obese, and those of non-white race).

It has come to my attention that a senior bellwether (from another flock) escaped recently from his lockdown pen along with his favourite primary ewe and a baby lamb.

It has come to my notice and I note with grave displeasue that some of you have been seen on Thursday evenings at the gates of your pens clapping the farmer and his veterinary assistant as they were passing with their dogs.

In looking up the definition, the term Quack, in the sense of a medical impostor, is a shortening of the old Dutch quacksalver (spelled kwakzalver in the modern Dutch), which originally meant a person who cures with home remedies, and then came to mean one using false cures or knowledge.

Obsessive refreshing Tesco, Asda etc etc supermarket webpages for delivery slots during the darkest sleepless midnight hours has become a national essential activity.

Post virus lockdown the time is fast approaching for an invasion by neighbouring flocks of sheeple galloping away from their pens and descending like locusts consuming the green green grass of home pastures and fields.This has been encouraged by no less than the Prime Shepherd himself.

I, and all other bellwethers (apparently), have received the following dictated letter from The Highest Authority in the land (dictated from his bedside) to be amended according to region. This order applies to all flocks in the land. Basically you, the sheeple, must obey the instructions or the dogs will be set loose. [Note to editors: F n’ M means foot and mouth virus]

I have just been on a zoom videoconference with my bellwether brother who leads the Porton Down flock in England’s green and pleasant Hampshire (for now).

They don’t make facemasks for cattle so I have ‘self-isolated’ myself in this remote barn in rural Wales. I communicate with my flock using videoconferencing and blogging on the EYE. I still have memories of the 2001 foot and mouth pandemic (not sure how I survived that one!). Humans are so lucky, in a pandemic they don’t all get killed en masse and burned in large smouldering heaps like us poor creatures (yes, yes, there have been Holocausts, I know). God’s creatures too, you know.

Pandemics are NOT funny! They are devastating. They wipeout whole populations. The Black Death, measles, syphilis, flu, SARS, ebola and now coronavirus. You have been warned. So how can we survive or be protected? The short answer is you can’t.

It seems clear to me (as your bellwether), following the UK General Election and the catastrophic vote losses suffered by Labour, a political party backed and funded by ‘The Trade Unions’ and ostensibly representing the ‘working class’, that the time has now come to look again at Guilds and their potential value for modern societal and future labour force organisation.

As your Leader, it is time to publish the political manifesto of the Bellwether Party for the upcoming UK 2019 General Election. In this manifesto, you will find policies that you will (must) like, that you will (must) believe in!

As your bellwether, I see it as my duty to keep up with and communicate to you all the latest TV and streaming entertainments. This is to deflect attention from your imminent appointment with the abattoir. Oops!

I can’t help noticing that the news these days is dominated by BREXIT. The latest items that have struck my jaundiced eye and which have become internet memes are: breezers, brooches and bulldog (clips).

The main take-away (for me) from reading Dominic Cummings’ blog and other commentators is that he has almost total contempt for politicians (especially Tories like ex-chancellor Philip Hammond), the Civil Service and so-called ‘captains of industry’. Ayn Rand Objectivists call these people ‘moochers’.

I’ve been reading Dominic Cummings’ blog and I am the proud recipient of his newsletter. Yes, he’s the chap that is now an uberspecial advisor to the new PM Boris Johnson. He of the T-shirt and the BREXIT slogan ‘take back control’. Brilliant. The Mr.Brainiac of the Brexitory party.

Back in December I wrote an article titled Christmas dinner party bemoaning the fact that I had never been to or been invited to a ‘dinner party’. According to newspapers like the Guardian, political pundits like Alastair Campbell and the television media, ‘dinner parties’ are supposed to be where ‘the people’ (discuss? rage?) talk about BREXIT.

Spring is here. Daffodils are out in full yellow vested marching order, primroses are peaking primly, buds are about to burst. A good time, better weather, for everyone… er… except those frisky young lambs (and knackered old rams) in our flock awaiting, going up the ramps, for Abbatoir Day (AD).

As the ‘official’ appointed bellwether, I am here to warn you that I have detected the formation of a dissident breakaway group within the Flock that needs to be ‘purged’ before AD (Abattoir Day). Calling themselves the Ewe Research Group (ERG) and led by a well known ‘coloured’ member of the arch-conservative Reesmog Flock who have infiltrated our members.

The socialistic Brexiteer ‘celebrity cleric’ Dr.Giles Fraser has recently written an article that has inflamed the Internet and the Cleggbook.

Defections of Westminster MPs from the Labour and Conservative Parties to form a new ‘breakaway’ group, The Independence Group (TIG) (see our political columnist ‘The Rebel’), seem to herald the advent of new parties.

As the ‘bellwether’ of a small flock of sheeple, I have come to a fork in the road on the issue of leaving the EU. One way points to BREXIT (and its convoluted variants) and the other REMAIN. Forget all the blarney about ‘deals’; make no bones about it, there are only two choices, stay or go (the well ‘ARD way).

The favourite call by the #doom merchants, #wingnuts and #Cassandras amongst us – on the streets, in the churches is ‘Repent, ye! This is the time of #Tribulation as foretold in the Bible’s Book of Revelations’.

At this time of the year, most of the Media look back at past events that have occurred and try to analyse their impact. I could also try to do that but would probably forget or miss something and in any case, I am supposed to be a ‘bellwether’ and predict ‘Future Trends’ – not analyse the ‘past’. Those that do that are called ‘HISTORIANS’.

I have never been to a ‘dinner party’ and nor have most people I know (yes, I have asked a few of them!). Christmas dinner is different – I mean a real ‘dinner party’.